Originally Published August 20, 2015 on
Doods' WIX Site - Wisdom, Virtues & Inspiration
Examination Period is fast approaching, and with the overwhelming focus on tests and exams in schools today, our children need our support and understanding.
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While examinations is a normal aspect of a student's life, we parents tend to feel the pressure more than our children. Most of us worry that they are not studying enough.
Sometimes, when we don't handle our anxiety well, we unconsciously rub it off on our children, which can result in diminishing their self confidence and encouraging a carefree if not a rebellious attitude. What we do not realize is they are feeling twice the pressure when we let them feel our anxiety.
Try to think back when you were a student. Did your parents bother about your exams? In my case, my mother, being too pre-occupied in earning a living to raise four children since our father passed away, couldn't be bothered with it. She didn't even know when my exams were going to be. Her participation in my school life consisted mainly of giving my daily allowance, school supplies, and signing my Report Card at the end of every semester, which gave her joy and inspiration, but hardly any stress.
While some levels of pressure is healthy for the development of your child, excessive and chronic experience of it can bring about negative results. Different children experience and respond to pressures in different ways, some of the more common symptoms of exam anxieties that you have to watch out for in your child include problems with sleeping, a loss of appetite, irritability, and experiencing migraines or headaches.
My first taste of exam anxiety as a parent was in 2007 during Niel’s Primary School Leaving Examination. PSLE is a National Exam in Singapore that all primary 6 school children have to take. It is important in determining in which school the child will be posted to and whether students will to go to Express (4-year) or Normal Stream (5-year).
Here are some ways you can do to help your child to build his/her confidence and get good results.
1. Pray with your child
For Nine weeks before the examination, every Wednesday after school we go together to the Church to attend mass and offer it for him to have God’s guidance to prepare well and to do well in all his subjects. We also asked for the intercession of Our Lady of Grace by praying the rosary as a family nightly. By doing this, Niel gained an added measure of faith in God. He believed that he was not alone in this journey. That belief enabled him to persevere and to do his best. I taught him to speak to Jesus before the exam and feel His loving presence. After his exams, we offered another set of nine weekday masses as a way of thanksgiving to God for all his love and guidance for Niel during the exam period.
2. Allow your child to set his/her target
We never imposed our own goals on him. Instead, we asked him to set his goals. We let him to think of ways to do to achieve his goals. He used to write on a piece of paper his target for each subject and post it at the door of his dresser where he will see it everyday. We also asked him if there was any additional help he needed in order to support him, e.g. additional tuition, or sometimes we just have to sit beside him to solve a particular problem.
3. Prepare his/her favorite food
I always prepared his favorite nutritious dishes to eat before and after school. I also baked cookies and gave him fresh lemon juice to take a break in between his revisions. Eating healthily is important in ensuring that energy levels remain high. It greatly helps to keep his concentration level. This also made him feel loved and cared for, that no matter what the outcome of his exams will be, he felt assured of our love for him. Hence he was more motivated to do his best.
4. Make him/her Sleep early
One of our rules at home is an early night during school days. Our children know that after our Family Prayer they will go to sleep. Boy and I believe that it is important that children get enough sleep to perform well at school, even when there are no exams - ideally at least 8 hours each night. Most especially during exams, as doing revisions can be psychologically and physically draining, and it is important that they get enough sleep to ‘recharge their batteries’.
5. Engage him/her in a conversation by sharing his/her lessons for the day
I usually ask my children to share with me where they are at in terms of lesson topics at school. This is a casual way of revising subjects like science and history where understanding of concepts is key. If my child can narrate to me the process of photosynthesis of plants or the story of Romeo and Juliet clearly then it will be easier for him to remember that lesson. Sometimes, I also share about my learning experience during my school days and we indulge in meaningful and intelligent conversations. Whenever Niel, Ez or Gab get stuck in the middle of a math problem, I just ask them to walk me through the steps that they did and then they will realize where they went wrong, which is usually a careless mistake that is common to many children. By simply lending a listening ear is a great help to your child. We even did this over a phone call whenever I was not at home.
6. Speak to his/her teacher
Your child’s teacher is the best person to know his abilities and capabilities, relative to his peers. Being a first timer in a National Exam, I was worried that Niel would not pass his exams. When I asked his teacher how he thinks he will fare in the PSLE, he assured me not to worry because he was sure that he was going to make it well. When I heard that, I was happy and I didn’t have to worry too much.
If on the other hand, his teacher said that he needed more guidance, then we would be able to think of additional actions to take to ensure that he will get through it victoriously.
I was glad we were able to overcome the pressure and anxiety brought by the PSLE in Niel's early years in school. Not only did he have a stronger self confidence, but most importantly a deeper faith and trust in God, and our family became much closer to each other.
On top of that, we were grateful to God for guiding him to get excellent results that enabled him to go to a reputable Secondary school of his choice.
Three and six years later, my journey with Ezekiel and Gabriel were smoother and lighter.
God bless your family's exam journey with ease and joy in the process and victory in the end!
"Through your faith, God's power will guard you."
(1 Peter 1:5)
You may share this prayer with your child:
+Prayers to St. Joseph of Cupertino for Success in Examinations+
This powerful prayer is very effective in examinations. Your child must pray this before appearing in the examination.
O St. Joseph of Cupertino who by your prayer obtained from God to be asked at your examination, the only questions you knew. Grant that I may like you succeed in the (here mention the name of Examination eg. History paper I ) examination. In return I promise to make you known and cause you to be invoked.
O St. Joseph of Cupertino pray for me
O Holy Ghost enlighten me
Our Lady of Good Studies pray for me
Sacred Head of Jesus, Seat of divine wisdom, enlighten me.
And ask your children when they succeed in their exams then they should thank St. Joseph of Cupertino.
And together, let us pray for them:
"Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men"
(Luke 2:52)
God will increase His wisdom, stature and favor over them.
"Father, we commit all P6 children sitting for PSLE into Your hands. We pray that the wisdom of God will come upon their lives. May they be able to focus and understand the work presented to them. Bless them with wisdom to understand the questions and to apply the knowledge they have learned throughout the paper. Most of all, we pray for Your peace to come upon them, and that they will learn to lean upon You, and to cast their worries into Your hands. Father, we pray let Your will be done in their lives and we ask these through the powerful intercession of Mary, our Blessed Mother.
Amen!"